Monday, September 5, 2011

Media Monday--True Blood

So, this is going to be a little different from our normal review. Seeing as I work in the morning (boo! hiss!) and will be dog tired when I get home, I'm going to write the review while watching the show. Think William Faulkner meets Roger Egbert or whatever the heck his name is. I'll try and censor my language. But I doubt it'll work.

While I'm Waiting: (approx. 15 mins before start of show)
Alan Ball--question: what was the deal with the fairies? Really, did they serve a purpose, because I don't feel like they did. After that first episode, I was in serious doubt about the entire season. Thankfully, things did get better. Mostly. Although I still don't know why we needed to time-travel, unless it was just for the hell of it. I mean, if that's what it was, cool, go with it, own it. But as a writer, that's what I like to call a deus ex machina. Otherwise known as "I have no idea how to get from point A to point B so I'll just throw something completely random and off the wall in there and hope people don't notice."

Damn. HBO takes forever between programs. I feel like I'm getting old here. Although I am getting a sneak peak of Boardwalk Empire, so that's good. Oooh, I think we may be starting. Or it's just another commercial. Yep, just another commercial, but it's the cool one with the population countdown, so I'll forgive them. Kind of. I really just want the show to start. Like now.

Maybe I should start watching Hung. It looks amusing. Although I'd have to catch up on seasons. But there is a great girl fight, so it may be worth it.

Enough with the advertising! Jeez, just show the program. I get it, Boardwalk Empire is coming back on. And I'll totally be there. But I want True Blood first. Just help me out here, okay?

Finally! Thank you, HBO!

The Show:

And, recap time. Bored. Sam Trammel is insanely hot. Terry is bad-ass. Marnie is bat shit crazy. And now the fun starts.

Fabulous line. "This is what PMS used to feel like." I could totally get behind dealing with PMS with semi-automatic weapons.
And the blood is spilling already. But Sookie's hair looks fabulous. Seriously.

Title credits. Scary, yet sexy. Except for the roadkill and decomposing stuff and the bugs. All that's just gross.

And we're back. This is kind of cool. Like schizophrenia in visual form. Look, even Jesus uses bat-shit. Obviously not a too horrible phrase. And, wow, Marnie patting her belly like she just had a good snack. Classic.

Jason. Awesome. Seriously awesome. And people thought you were just a walking erection. Aww, sad moment with Jessica.

Sam and Alcide. How bad am I that I seriously want Sam to just go bat-shit on this guy. I'm not a big fan of Luna. Wasn't a huge one of Debbie, but at least she's taking a stand against Marcus. Kind of. That counts for something. Although Marcus is a tricky bastard, even if he's prejudiced as all get out.

And we're back to the craziness. Although it's nice to see Jesus being all medical. I don't think she's alive though--yep, I was right. Uh-oh. Jesus is acting nuts. This could be good or bad. Considering that we're still one episode from the end, I'll go with bad. Oh, we're getting to Marnie's motivations. Granted, they're decent, but her execution is kind of sucking. And who said blondes are stupid. Holly and Sookie are totally owning that.

Andy. Holy shit-pants. "Don't go all lost in nature retarded." What's up with the fairies? Didn't I just ask this question? Did I get an answer? Not really.

Converging storylines. Always fun.

And shit is about to hit the fan. On a side note, this is really tiring.  And that was one of the worst deaths ever. What the fuck. And really, Marnie? You're such a total bitch. Boys, don't do it. Don't. Do. It. Shit. I think they're going to do it. Or, Pam is going to turn this in to more of a cluster fuck.

I lied. Now, the shit is going to hit the fan. I'm totally Team Sam. The things I would do to that man. And none of them are publishable.

Jesus. By the way, it looks really weird typing that. Anyway, this is not looking good. Demon face talk is always bad. Knives are never good, either. Oh, and look, blood. Always a sign of a party going in the wrong direction.

Jason. Oh, shit. Jess, fix this.

Andy and fairies. This is not good. I don't trust this wench. Although I love the carb comment. Andy, take heed. This is not good, not good by any means. Really, don't trust this wench. This feels like a huge ass trap.

Sam. I know you can fight better than that. Oh, there you go. Really think you should have killed him, though. As evidenced by the fact he just tried to kill you. But, look, Alcide took care of that for you. More shit hitting more fans. I feel bad for Debbie. Really. No, really.

Back to the nut. Although that's a cool trick. Don't have a crystal ball, use a puddle of blood. What is up with that one guy? He's like a flippin' sheep.

And the bathroom. This better be the most kick-ass spell ever, considering all the shit Jesus is going through. It better break the bond, or I'm going to be seriously pissed.

Jason and Jess. Well, it was cute until the Monster Mash started. Now I'm worried about them walking into the wall of crazy sunshine. Thanks for being a loud broadcaster, Jason.

Holy Shit Pants! Holy Shit Pants! Holy Shit Pants! What the heck was that. And what the hell is this? Christ on a cracker, Jesus, could you get your shit together and do it like the fuck now because this is seriously not good in the least.

Thank you, Jesus, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Although Tara had the best line. "I quit this group."

Best visual. Eric using the aorta as a straw.

Nice execution, Bill. Although with Marnie dead, what the heck is the last episode about?

Back to Andy and the fairy.  I really think this is odd. Alan Ball, why are you introducing new shit this close to the end? Got to love Arlene. Backwoods and strange, but she's got a good heart. And much better hair this season. Much better.

Fallout/Cleanup. Always the worst part. And Tara actually wasn't super annoying the last few episodes. And Sookie, just choose one. Actually, just choose Eric. Jason, stop being an ass. You like the girl. She likes you. Just kiss her. You know what just occurred to me? Lafayette has a really small bed. Or maybe it's small because there are two grown men in it. And what's up with Jesus? Because something is, I can tell. Oh, shit. Really? Son of a bitch.

Okay, that's all folks. This was exhausting, so I doubt I'll do it again. Unless it's for Boardwalk Empire or Mad Men. Those two move at a slower pace, thank God. Catch you tomorrow, for Teaser Tuesday!

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